Understanding the parent trap
Chances were when you came into this world, your parent’s lives drastically changed. Life wasn’t solely about them anymore; you were now the star. As they raised you, they were not only formulating your identity but their own as well, solidifying their roles as parents. And then, many years later, their beautiful creation decides to leave for college, grad school, and perhaps even moves to an entirely different country. And just as you embark upon your personal journey, the mouth of the parent trap begins to open wide.
You see, when it comes time to relinquish childhood and step into the world of adulthood, our parents are simultaneously required to shed their roles as parents in order to become, well, children again… and I’m not talking about Benjamin Button.
As we take on the responsibility of adulthood, they are relieved of it in many ways and allowed to venture into new playgrounds where they can discover themselves again. But in order to enter this arena, parents have to pass the guardian’s baton over to the great mentor of life itself.
Unfortunately, most parents hang onto their roles for dear life, thereby hanging onto yours as they often continue micromanaging our journey. In paradox to your developmental years, their continuous mediation only hinders your growth, as well as theirs.
Your parents will always be your parents; that is not the issue. Problems arise when they become hardened in their roles, for the job of parenthood is continuously evolving. Life is all about transitions, a state of ebb and flow – and our folks sure love their ebb. It is hard to escape the grip of those who raised us, and it is even harder for them to let us go, not just because they love us, but because to let go is to shed one’s skin and become truly naked again. This goes against the very principle of caregivers and security providers, which our parents have lived with for two or more decades. And so as you become an adult, they not only mourn your childhood but their parenthood.
Although our parents are responsible for our welfare as children, they cannot hold onto that responsibility in the same manner once we are grown. Instead, they must learn to trust in their child’s upbringing; in that, they are capable of navigating through life independently. Such faith frees both parties. Having trust along the road of life is as essential as traveling with water through the desert.
As your parents face the winds of change, so do you. Understand that the mechanisms of the parent trap are merely functions of resistance to a new beginning. Sometimes, we are stuck on one page for years, and that’s alright. So long as we have the wisdom and courage to enter new chapters.
Otherwise, the great story of our lives will never be written.
